A Fine Pickle

Established in Berchtesgaden, Germany in 1875, Ichtel, Brotten & Surgedorff (IBS) are purveyors of fine pickle, olive and relish products. Initially serving the Bavarian area, word of their product line quickly spread throughout the country and eventually Europe. Today, IBS has a devoted customer base around the world.

Last week Einrich Oberstrutgoff, president of IBS, spoke at his company's annual stockholder meeting. His line "sie wankelmütig nicht, versuchen sie einen IBS gurke" (don't be fickle, try an IBS pickle) was perhaps the most memorable of the evening, drawing rounds of applause from the assembly.
A possible successor to Herr Oberstrutgoff, who has raised both earnings per share and company awareness with his effervescent personality has yet to be made, causing no small angst among shareholders.

The Vicarious Superstar Syndrome

At some point in recent years, it became acceptable for giving trophies to kids for merely participating on a team.

Parents: Don't Lie to Your Kids About Their Athletic Ability

Not sure, but maybe awards were also dispensed for Cleanest Uniform, Waterboy/Girl with Quickest Dispensing Time and Most Compassionate Player. 

Except at the most rudimentary level, it's winning that counts in sports. League officials who award kids at season's end for mere participation are partly to blame. But parents bear culpability, too. If a child isn't consistently, for a protracted period of time, athletically ahead of his/her peers, Mom (and especially Dad) must cease to push little Timmy or Julie each week so they can one day share vicariously in being the laurel-crowned objects of opponents' ire, cheering crowds and homecoming festivities. 

So, to the 99.98% of parents whose kids will not make the pros, face the relative fact: you kid sucks. Get over it. Do your job as a responsible parent & steer him/her to an appropriate academic venue. If not academically inclined, a trade school might be appropriate. But for the sake of their future don't continue to coddle them into thinking there's a chance when in reality there's none.

Buckle Up, Bitches

Ladies and gentlemen, please re-board the Outrage Du Jour express now loading on Track Two. Our present stay over in Zimbabwe where we covered the killing of Cecil the lion is coming to an end. But you'll be pleased to know our engineer is scanning the news to find another sensational story that will both captivate and appall your sense of propriety.
Perhaps we'll stop by a Coca Cola factory where you can carry placards denouncing this beverage giant for destroying Western civilization with its sugar-engorged soda. Maybe a famous cook said something 30+ years ago and can now be crucified for it? Or a swing by Buckingham Palace could be in order where we can demand an explanation why a future queen at age seven was seen apparently raising her arm in a Nazi salute 80 years ago?
Last call - All aboard! Buckle up bitches, relax and the Outrage of the Day will whisk you off to a location where you can raise your BP via righteous indignation and reset the moral compass for the world. Remember, you need not do anything of your own volition because we will decide how you will spend your ire - just as our name implies. As always, newspapers, magazines, radios etc. will be confiscated as you take your seats. Watch the viewing screen on the back of the seat in front of you and you will be force fed a non-stop feed that will be sure to offend and exasperate you. Shove that nipple in your mouth, latch on and suck away. You know you cannot resist the sweet, dripping nectar of a news item that rushes through your senses like a shot of cocaine coursing its way into your veins - precisely like the media dictates. Please discard your used syringe in the proper receptacles.
Finally, management hopes you enjoy the ride. Soon your reactions will flood social media with your posts & comments, just like those of tens- and hundreds of thousands of other travelers. It's all about harmony, right? Everyone beating the same drum, to the same tune, all marching in step with one another. We LOVE the sound of jack-booted, mirror-imaged minions marching in step, with no variation or individual thought process visible.
Thank you for your continued patronage.

Respect Our Flag

After the Charleston, SC Church killings a few weeks ago, there was an outcry by citizenry to have the confederate flag removed from public display. Major retailers such as Walmart, Target, Amazon, etc. pulled it from their shelves, riding the wave of public opinion. But unsurprisingly, retailers' moral conscience over the US flag is jaded by profit.
In part, 4 U.S. Code § 3 - Use of Flag for Advertising Purposes; Mutilation of Flag - states: "The words 'flag, standard, colors, or ensign', as used herein, shall include any flag, standard, colors, ensign, or any picture or representation of either, or of any part or parts of either, made of any substance or represented on any substance, of any size evidently purporting to be either of said flag, standard, colors, or ensign of the United States of America or a picture or a representation of either, upon which shall be shown the colors, the stars and the stripes, in any number of either thereof, or of any part or parts of either, by which the average person seeing the same without deliberation may believe the same to represent the flag, colors, standard, or ensign of the United States of America." This means if it looks like a US flag then it IS a US flag. In addition, 4 U.S. Code § 8 (b) - Respect for Flag - notes "The flag should never touch anything beneath it, such as the ground, the floor, water, or merchandise." This section is clear enough.

A mere cursory search on the search engine Google shows at least Walmart, Target, Amazon, Sears, Macy's, HSN & eBay all sell American flag beach towels. That's right - the US flag is placed on the ground to be sat & eaten on, have drinks spilled on it, diapers changed on it, etc.
Here's the point - WHERE IS THE OUTRAGE FOR DISRESPECT FOR OUR FLAG? If you want something to fight about, here's your opportunity. Get retailers to put patriotism before profits. Retailers take note - by law, our flag is to be revered. It's not to be used for profit.

Take Down That Flag?

Simply removing the Confederate flag without ameliorating the deep seated passion (a.k.a. hatred) embraced by some would be little more than placing a bandage on a gaping wound.
I have pondered long & hard over not only this recent tragedy but also on the overall race situation in our Country. The feelings it evokes in me are akin to those I experienced after 9/11. Deepak Chopra, a Harvard educated physician, wrote an editorial in the NY Times noting the education of children around the world is a better answer to combat terrorism than war.
In the heat of that moment, as the WTC ruins were still smoldering and almost 3,000 funerals were being planned, I was incensed at this pulled-punch solution to an attack on our soil. How could he take this position? But in retrospect, I realize he was correct. More immediate measures were also needed but the good doctor's idea was valid. Change the heart, change the person. Such a simple concept; such a difficult challenge.
If we don't change, if we continue to let the tentacles of hatred, bigotry and bias choke love and understanding, compassion and love out of our lives, any well meant physical manifestations aimed at stemming prejudice are mere window dressing on a house with no roof.
I am only one voice, but I will be silent no more .As Mohammed Ali once said, "It's the repetition of affirmations that leads to belief. And once that belief becomes a deep conviction, things begin to happen."
Go, in peace, and be part of the solution, not the problem.

Experiential Data

My eyes I think is going crazy
All round me things is hazy
And me ears they's just ain't too good
Cause I sure can't hear like I should
The nose I used for snortin' & smellin'
Is now as big as a ripe ol' mellon
Me gnarly fingers once straight n true
Have colored tips of greenish blue
In me mouth I chews and eats
Cheese & bread, but not much meats
But me days are filled with wonder 'n awe
I read Poe, and Austen, King & Shaw
So pity not; walk on - don't stop
I's on me way to a pizza shop.

Large or Small?

I've given thought to posts dissing thin women, the ones absent significant body fat. IMHO, it seems as some people watch their curves, bellies and various other body parts sag and succumb to the Earth's insidious gravitational pull they want to change the paradigm of what was once considered beautiful. To this end, the former shapely, alluring woman has been re-characterized into a gaunt, starving waif who has managed to instill her nefarious, famished visage on the psyches of girls, condemning them to a life of carrots, celery and lettuce. Pondering over this near cataclysmic event of unparalleled proportions, I had an epiphany. Society is seeing the fruition of the sour grapes syndrome - adopting a negative attitude to something because they cannot have it themselves.
I recently saw a picture of a what is classified as the now acceptable full-figured woman next to a bikini-clad counterpart. While the former stretched the fabric of her suit, the latter, until only recently the de rigeuer standard for emulation, posed sans any appreciable adipose tissue deposits. Arrows on the bottom labelled each lady noting "I'd rather look like this" (pointing to the significantly larger woman) "than this" (tagging the waif).Expanding this logic, two corollary statements espousing a similar sentiment would be:1) gray, lifeless, dry hair is more attractive than a shiny, lustrous mane2) dry, flaky, age-spot laden skin is more attractive than a smooth, tanned, delicate dermisPersonally, I no longer play hockey, run down flies in the outfield or am relied on to take & sink the last shot in a basketball game. My hair is graying & I don't weigh what I did in school. But I don't claim that my experience now would let me stand toe-to-toe with a Gretsky, Mantle or Jordan. Sometimes, we simply need to acknowledge we're out of the race and stop the rationalization process.Is there a solution? Perhaps removing mirrors in our homes, not looking at celebrities and wearing potato sacks in public would alleviate what can be considered, at a gut level, simple jealousy.

Recipe - Vodka Rigatoni

Here a quick, easy dish that'll make dinner guest wonder why you're not working as a chef in a fancy restaurant:

1 or 2 tablespoons olive oil

1 large chopped onion

28 oz. can crushed tomatoes (not Hunt’s-too watery)

1 teaspoon chopped garlic

1 pint heavy cream

¼ cup vodka (a tiny bottle found in liquor stores is perfect)

10-12 slices prosciutto (cut into small strips)

1/8 (one eighth) teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes

1-16 oz. box rigatoni pasta

Parmesan cheese (optional)

In large, heavy skillet, sauté onions in olive oil over medium heat for 10-15 minutes until onions are softened. Add tomatoes & garlic; cook for 15 minutes, stirring occasionally. Meanwhile, cook pasta per directions on box. Stir in heavy cream, vodka, prosciutto and crushed red pepper flakes. Cook until sauce thickens. (To help sauce thicken, remove skillet from heat for a few minutes, let sauce cool a few minutes and then return to heat.)

Drain pasta; add to skillet with all other ingredients; stir together. Sprinkle with parmesan cheese & serve.

Clinton - Prototype for a Rand McNally Roadmap?

Assuming the top picture is her 2016 Presidential candidate photo, how did Clinton get rid of the wrinkles that were on her face in the photo right below? And looking at the bottom shot - how'd she make the bags under her eyes disappear?
Personally, I'm hoping those supposedly self-confident women who are proud of their beach ball shaped bodies, who cast disdain on slim runway models, who are not ashamed of their rotund shapes, who seek to change the paradigm of what attractiveness should be take issue with Ms. Clinton's attempt to hide her age. 
Because if the outward vestiges of a person must be changed to appease the masses, can her inner workings fair any better?

Taxes - 2014

April 15th has by now come and gone and because I flat out fear the IRS, I dutifully filed my income tax for 2014.
Up until this filing, I had religiously used TurboTax (TT) software to file for my refund. But I read some bad reviews for TurboTax this year.
I'd have been willing to ignore those since the CDs were so darn easy to use, but the game breaker was the price. It was $90, and it gave me pause. Significant pause. Because H&R Block software was only around $50 AND imported all my prior year's data.
Once installed, H&R operated basically the same as TT. One slight difference: I have a small side-business & input of its debits/credits was done in a slightly different manner, definitely not as smooth as TT. 
But all in all, for the near $50% savings I experienced by switching programs, it was worth it.
So, in summary, TT has lost someone who had been a faithful customer for about seven years for a cheaper but just as capable piece of software.

Movie Review - The Zero Theorem

There's an expression that goes something like this: "If you make it they will come." After trying to watch the movie "The Zero Theorem," I cannot in all honesty bastardize that statement into "If you film it they will view it."  

I sat through about 25 minutes of this film and quite frankly, I just didn't get it. Perhaps it was my stilted IQ bordering around the dull normal range, a pressing issue festering in my subconscious sublimating to an inability to concentrate or my selfish desire to spend my time on something worthwhile that forced me to pull the plug on this one; I don't know. But like I said, I just didn't get it.

Before judging me, let me state I understand the concepts of allegory, metaphors, analogies, symbolism and many others as applied on the screen. But I flat out didn't comprehend what was going on here. 

Set in a future that is truly a test of one's visual capabilities, the protagonist named "We" has a job in a surreal environment. He pedals a Rube Goldberg-esque machine while sitting in front of a monitor, producing a phosphorescent liquid in tubes that's used for who the hell knows what. Since I bailed on what seemed to me producer Terry Gilliam's attempt at recording an LSD trip I can't honestly say what it was about, its theme or message to the viewer. But I also don't need to stop smashing my fingers with a hammer knowing it will feel so good when I stop to derive some pleasure in my life.

There might be an underlying philosophical concept to be experienced but it's far from the surface of reality, as unrevealed and unattainable as the river Styx. To quote in part another review I read for Zero Theorem: 

Sudden singularities & the big crunch are a spectacular narrative to explorer tragedy & the philosophical purpose of life. Visually the film is overwhelming and the eclectic Bucharest architecture is perfect for Gilliam's vision

Okay. Um - huh?
One might call this a deep film, requiring a riveted attention span and drawing on years of knowledge gleaned from schooling in the Fine Arts, acknowledging the work of an avant-gard master filmmaker who has poured his heart into a work of staggering beauty and complexity.

To me, it was crap.

A Working Life - or Not

It's taken years; no, I'm wrong. It's taken my entire working life to realize I can't work for somebody else. Note I used the word "can't" instead of won't - there's a marked difference. Won't to me means a little kid who plants his feet and refuses to do something. Can't on the other hand connotes (at least to me in this respective instance) an inability to perform as expected. 
Let me clarify. In case you get the impression I was one of those employees who was the bane of an employer's existence, I'm afraid I've led you a bit astray. At the height of my career, I was responsible for the management of all medical, dental, life insurance, pension and other employee benefit plans to a tune in excess of $39 million. Chump change? I think not. But I digressed.  
A couple of years ago I tried my hand at an online business. Were my efforts successful? Was I able to earned what could be construed a viable income for myself? Yup, and to the tune of six figures.
So I was then able to compare working for the man & going out on my own. My preference? Without a moment's hesitation I can say putting all faith in my own abilities far, far outweighs any other employment opportunity I was ever offered.
See, I hold the ability to use my God-given brain to entertain an online opportunity, research its viability, possible income opportunity, competition, appropriate keyword density and other Google-related indices as sacrosanct. In other words, point me in the right direction, let me go & I'll do my thing. And most importantly, I answer to myself. 
As a point of reference & in the interest of full disclosure, I'm presently working for the man. But I've just scoped out an opportunity that's interested me. I'm reviewing the business's videos, pdf files, sample products, etc. Bottom line, it looks good - real good. When I'm all-in my initial income goal will be about $100/month. Once I reach that, I'll quickly ramp up to $200, then $500, then $1,000+. Give me a couple of months. Watch me make this work. Then I'll sever ALL ties with current employer. I will be on my own 100% - something I should have done years ago. 
I'll post updates here periodically.